Vices

I think I read it somewhere a while ago

About how Cleopatra captured Julius Caesar’s fancy

She only shared happy memories and thoughts with him

To make him subconsciously associate the feeling of happiness with her presence

When I read this, I was really impressed by her wit

But I felt sorry for her too, it must’ve been so suffocating to keep up the facade of happiness

Don a mask just to ensure your presence, essence and value doesn’t diminish

That was until my own story got rewritten in a way that I was living my worst nightmare as my new reality

Maybe the chapter of our story ended this way because all we had become was a mirror for each others pain

A pain that kept reflecting onto each other in a vicious cycle rather than be an escape from it as planned

I did really try hard to keep away and not show you the ugly darkness within until I could see how it crept upon and painted your soul

Maybe that’s how pain operates when you let others see, feel, sense it, it doesn’t just stay your own but becomes a burden on both

Maybe you just got tired of becoming my safe place to hide when the tides were too high to escape until we both drowned in its inevitable intensity

I still remember you like you were before you tainted me with the dread in your soul while rewriting what would constitute fear hereon

When I used to believe your words as gospel until the realization hit me of how your tryst to unchain me morphed into placing me into shackles of your own construct of conduct

I really want to apologize for making you capable of injecting the same poison into me that you were ridden with once

Which you swore not to subject me to once you tested and witnessed my loyalty nestled in each crevice of my soul

Until you turned into the sadist whipping my soul until it bled the same way as yours had once

I hope you are satisfied by the results of disseminating the disease onto me that you once were ridden with until you met me

That’s how fear is because once you experience it, you don’t want to be the only one crippled within its grip and hence you projected them onto me

Until the demons that haunt my soul sing the same song as yours used to once

I feel sorry that you felt the need to be the perpetrator of the same vice that struck you and inject it into my veins

Until the memory of the pain and subsequent fear cripples my soul the same way your eyes used to give away

I’m sorry to disappoint you when I confess that pain and fear have been my allies from much before you thought the ones you injected could end me

Unlike you, I don’t need to inject my pain or fear into others to get rid of it because they have brewed in my blood for long enough

That they do not betray me like you and hence they now feed my soul so that I can write my own way out.

3 Comments Add yours

    1. Thank you for reading and appreciating my work. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s