Regeneration of reminiscence

There are certain days that make you feel invincible

Like anything that ever had power over you has washed away during its mourning

Then there come certain days

Those which remind you that you haven’t outlived those dreadful days far behind

Today was one of those kind of days

The kind that revisits and relives the hard times you thought had reached its conclusion

As I woke up from a peaceful long sleep ready for a optimistic beginning to the day

An emotional encumbrance followed with its unshakable presence looming over the day

Once I laid eyes on the testimony of our conversations during the times forgotten

All the accompanying memories made me succumb to its heady appeal

I had to see, witness the presence of the ghost I once had felt and seen

As I scrolled through the feed,

I was lost in all the bruised emotions I could feel through the words encompassing our failed needs

It felt hard to swallow through the dejection in the helpless plight behind the transgression of beliefs

Each word that bled through the screen painted the canvas of my memories with deep vivid colors of remembrance all over again

Each word tied in with the timeline and scene of a well imagined story of tragedy

As I said that you were free to make the choices in your life that damage your being, just don’t make me a part of it as I didn’t sign up for it

You rightfully said, “I definitely wasn’t like this when you signed up for this”

The day I knew that my devotion to you ran deeper than the utterance of three magical words

Had I known that you were capable of destroying the very thing I baptized myself in sin for

I would’ve never lit myself on the pyre of self destruction to make sure that you got everything you yearned for

Then when you said that, “all you can anyway see in me is doing cocaine”

All I could muster was,”That’s because all that is left of us is, you doing cocaine and me being left alone because of the same”

And even after confessing my thoughts harbored in silence and fear

You still couldn’t witness the pain behind my testimony as you spun the blame of the failure upon my existence all over again

Tired of justifying myself the only truth I sought was, “I know my faults and bane, but the question is, do you even know yours?”

And yet as always all you could do is resort to your condescending ways of belittling my contribution in the sustenance of our base

As you wrote,” I’m scared to meet you”

The wave of hurt washes over my soul while reminiscing the feeling of reading those punishing words for the first time

Of being made to feel inadequate to even be seen or heard

You were absolutely correct when you said,” I don’t even know what hurts you anymore”

Because had you known the hurt each word, action and silence caused me

Maybe you would’ve thought twice before committing those deeds and basking in sin of its twisted mysterious appeal

As I wrote my final words being that, “I don’t know why I do this to myself everytime, each time I muster the strength to trust you yet again all I reap in return is breach of my unfaltering trust”.

That was the last word I was allowed to register before the doors were shut firmly on my love and that was the straw that finally broke the camel’s back

The vain arrogance and denial of your faults at last woke me up from the seductive hypnotism of your mind games.

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