Letter to the ones I ghosted

Ghosting is a term used for ending contact with a person without explanation

Its not a trait that I associate with myself to be honest

But over the past few months

Amidst the transformative journey my life has ensued on

I tend to naturally escape conversations, confrontations and commiserations

I’m no longer in pursuit to heal others as a means to distract myself from the misery of my own condition

I can no longer settle with being the sanctuary for people to come bury their loneliness conveniently

I can no longer lend a patient non judgmental ear to those who failed to recognize the pain in my voice when I needed them the most

I’m no longer content with dedicating my energy to people who deem appropriate to come and go as they please at their own accord

I’m no longer trying to find happiness within people who fake their own realities to get under my skin and into the sublime subtlety to my mind

I can no longer be content with making myself believe that any of these wanderers could have the answer to my deepest queries and qualms.

Even though I learnt it the hard way around that

Trying to find a missing piece to the jigsaw of your soul to feel any less broken

Will inevitably only lead you to be broken way beyond measure than you started out

I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that maybe I was meant to be eternally alone

Because I cannot spend another moment in the company of people whose pretense I confused with compassion

I rather be lonely as I’ve finally come to cherish my solitude over false security of a succumbing gathering

As in the end, feeling lonely when you’re alone is better than feeling lonely amongst the swarm surrounding your soul

I feel the love drain out of me each time I engage with such toxicity

I simply wish to be around those who remember me in times of happiness and not just when they seek shade.

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