In light of my fears

It is often said that your first love sets the foundation of what love means to you therein after

When I ponder over this I seldom wonder if the same ever applied to me

The only thought that occurs to me is one thing that you undoubtedly taught me was fear

The fear of being vulnerable and trusting someone with your heart and soul

It was like the vice of your contagious memories sharpening its claws digging deeper until your painful presence always stays in reminiscence

As hard as my subconscious mind may try to acclimatize to the present

The poison of the fear you ingrained within seduces me into submission

Anytime anyone tries to come closer to the walls erupted, all the signals of threat of intrusion set off my escaping alarms

Vivid recollection of the betrayal, lies, and manipulation flash across my eyes as I witness it yet again in real time

All that’s left for me to do is to commiserate my scars and depart with those same fears as a part of my own soul marred

Until one fateful day arrived wherein I finally reached an illuminating conclusion that set my fears scared at its sight

Even though the scars you left me with now manifest as fears that hold people off unless distantly diminished.

One thing you undoubtedly taught me about love was that there was none greater or more fulfilling than the one I could bestow upon myself

So now when I look at my fears as a shadow forming a feeble fragment of the outcome of this light of incomparable insight

I realize my fears are just my heart and soul conscious that this time I’ll not settle for anything less than a love that could hold a light to my love for self.

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