Our connection seemed beyond irreparable
The heady appeal of its uncertainty worked like an aphrodisiac
Every time a sense of peaceful monotony settled in, you’d sweep in on your dark horse as narrated in the fable
You would visit each time with a promise of unbridled passion, an under current of mysteries to be unraveled as debased and perilous as a necrophiliac
Your witty remarks and contagious compliments felt as exhilarating as an intravenous hit of the most provocative drug
So much so that I willingly chased the sense of your elusive affection when the night falls with an apprehensive acceptance and submissive shrug
Your unapologetic charm served alike smoked mirrors that concealed and masked our correspondence, which to my dismay was ultimately toxic
An addictive mix that brought forth an obsession with the surge felt from an unforeseen withdrawal turning me sick
The more I was able to withhold, you would always come back for more
This constant pattern of back and forth led to nothing but psychosis
An unquenchable thirst for running in circles seeking any sort of stimulation
It played out just like the proclamation of my prognosis
The value of my efforts wailing in vain until it preceded my contemplation
The demise was just as erratic as its conception
All it took to break the ceiling was a moment brought forth by premonition
Once my mind was inebriated in reality, surprisingly that is when I saw things clearly
Rather than making you something you weren’t solely by the sheer will of my heart, I finally witnessed you for who you truly were from the start
As always I was addicted to the type that could never treat me fairly
A blatant lack of trust or respect always exhibited just because I made it easier for you to play that part
Finally I was able to see the ugly reflection of my choices and addictions that brought me nothing except sorrow and discontent
That was when I did the unthinkable that was long overdue which was to get you out of sight and out of my mind at last
I had finally broken the cycle of my own perilous pattern which had become a host feeding off my fears in a manner that was cadent
I will no longer chose to runaway from the things I truly deserve just to forge a sense of semblance of the hurt and lessons by recreating my past.
conflictedparadoxblog 